


When I Realize (you're already gone)

by diagonallyfunny



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Feels, High School AU, I'm feeling really sad about jeanmarco, M/M, Marriage, and while I love fluff, eren and jean are bros, eventually I will write something happy I swear, marco grows up, no happy ending, they never had a happy ending, yay for that though!, you know, you should read this anyway though it's sad but
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-25
Updated: 2016-04-25
Packaged: 2018-06-04 09:20:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6652072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/diagonallyfunny/pseuds/diagonallyfunny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren sees it all happen, but Jean isn't quick enough to catch Marco before he slips through his fingers. Alternatively: Marco and Jean both do some growing up and realize some things, but it doesn't end great, and Eren picks up Jean's pieces.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When I Realize (you're already gone)

**Author's Note:**

> "Help, I have done it again  
> I have been here many times before  
> Hurt myself again today  
> And the worst part is there's no one else to blame  
> Be my friend, hold me  
> Wrap me up, unfold me  
> I am small, and needy  
> Warm me up and breathe me"  
> -Sia, Breathe Me

Eren Yaeger had always heard Jean and Marco joke around about platonically marrying each other. 

He had had his doubts about whether or not Marco really wanted things to be platonic in that situation, but he had never said anything. Not to Jean, anyway. Jean and he had been friends since they were little kids, and if there was anything he had learned, it was that Jean had a thick skull when it came to any sort of real romance.

The poor kid had been tossed around quite a bit, and a few traumatic experiences later, Jean had kind of…given up on anyone really loving him. Even when Marco came along, and even he had seen the boy fall for Jean, Jean hadn’t noticed. Jean considered his relationship with Marco to be platonic, on both sides.

Jean had even talked to Eren about it. It was a late summer night in their Sophomore year, when everything was hot and humid, and there was a full moon in the sky. They were laying out on Jean’s lawn, contemplating life, and he had jokingly asked Jean if he had a crush on anyone. Jean had answered firmly, “No.” and then followed up with a slightly broken, “I’m not fucking around with that stuff anymore dude. I’m leaving it alone. No more crushes for me.” He needed to push though, for Marco’s sake. Just to see.

“Do you love anyone though, Jean.”

It hadn’t been a question, they both knew that. All that could be heard were cicadas for a moment, until Jean spoke up.

“Of course I do. I love you, like a brother. And Marco…Marco’s my best friend. I love Sash and Connie. You know I do.”

They had been slightly drunk, but not horribly. Just a little buzzed.

“You know that’s not what I meant.”

There was an even longer silence. 

“Maybe.”

They had dropped the topic, talking about other things instead. School. College. Everything. He hadn’t brought it up to Jean again.

Until now. Two years later, almost three. It was the end of their Senior year, graduation weeks away. He had been sitting home, finishing up a few things for one of his teachers. Nothing special. All of a sudden, a few minutes ago, there had been a loud noise at his door, and it had slammed open, omitting a very drunk Jean.

Jean stumbled around his carpet for a moment, before collapsing on the couch, his head in his hands. Eren was thanking everything he knew of that Mikasa wasn’t home, and neither was his dad. Trouble seemed to follow Eren and Jean, but they were lucky tonight.

A broken sob came from Jean’s direction, and Eren snapped his head up, alarmed. He had only seen Jean cry once, and they had thought Marco was dead. They had both cried.

“What the hell, man, are you alright?!” 

He had no idea what to do, no idea how to console the boy on his couch. Eren opted to sit next to him, and when Jean turned his face to Eren’s, he couldn’t help but be slightly shocked. Jean was more shitfaced than he had ever personally seen him, but he was sure Marco had seen him worse. Marco had seen Jean at his worst in every way possible, but he still stuck around.

“I love him, Eren. No wait, fuck that, I’m in love with him.”

Eren blinked.

“Uh, back it up dude, who are we talking about?”

Jean didn’t seem to hear him though, just kept rambling on.

“You know how we joke about marrying quickly and living platonically? Well apparently I never actually wanted that. I want to see him walk down the aisle, I want to kiss him and seal the marriage, I want to take him home on our wedding night and show him the time of his life, I want to be able to kiss him every day and make sure he knows how in love with him I am, and I want to grow old with him.”

Jean threw up his hands.

“But I fucked it up so, so badly. I can’t take back the endless ‘no homo’, the awkward friend zone, or even my outright denial of ever wanting to date him. He has a boyfriend, you know Eren? He told me he thinks he loves him. And I fucked it up, Eren. I did this. I did it again, I ruined another chance.”

Sobs were wracking Jean’s body now, and Eren had no idea how to fix it. And suddenly he realized. He couldn’t. Eren couldn’t fix it, and neither could Jean. They cared too much about Marco to take away any happiness he might have. 

And deep down, Eren knew. Marco had eventually given up on any romantic ideas he had for Jean. He had stopped talking about Jean to everyone as much, stopped doing anything and everything whenever Jean asked. Wasn’t at his beck and call.

Jean might’ve been Marco’s first real love, or even his second, but he had given up.

He had never stopped loving Jean as a brother, and never would. But he had given up being in love with Jean.

And so, Eren did all he could. He wrapped his arms around Jean, despite never being one for affection, and apologized. He made Jean lay on his side, and put a blanket over him.

“I know.” he whispered. “I know.”

Eren was terrified Jean would never find someone. Hell, Eren was scared he himself would never find anyone. But if they never did, they had each other. They could leave, join the military, do something, but for now, all they had was Eren’s living room. Dark, and a little too hot, and lonely.

“They’re getting married.”

The quiet whisper from Jean startled Eren out of his thoughts, but the statement wasn’t new. Eren had known. It wasn’t his thing to tell. The words he whispered weren’t enough, out of context, but in the moment they held so much more. And Jean understood, shaky crying and all.

“I know. I’m sorry.”

In a way, they had both lost something that day, whether it be true love or a real friendship. Eren would always stick by Jean, no matter how often they butted heads.

And if crying was their way of saying goodbye, then so be it. 

They would cry.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry, look at me, back at it again with the angst. If you liked it, kudos are appreciated :) Look at me, smiling even though these two have me dead inside.
> 
> (I'm avoiding another story because I have writer's block for it, so I might write fluff for them soon! ALSO: I'm officially dedicating my time off work this summer to write a Jeanmarco Brokeback mountain AU!!!! Check that out maybe when I have it up!)
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own AOT or any of the characters, only the strings I pull in my stories


End file.
